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The dilemma I am a year-old woman who has been dating a guy three years my senior for the last three months. This is my first real relationship and I was excited by it and him.

He has mentioned that he does want to sleep with other women, although not when we are dating. In fact, it fills me with slight dread. We have become very comfortable around each other and spend most weekends together.

But sadly I have even begun to question if I want to be in a relationship at all. Mariella replies May all girls be blessed with your good sense.

The definition I found bore out my suspicions: a An offensive term for a woman thought to be sexually promiscuous; b An offensive term for a woman who charges for engaging in sexual activities; and c An offensive term for a woman who is regarded as not concerned about conventional standards of domestic cleanliness. The human imagination and the sexual fantasies it inspires are not something you can proscribe — you can only ascertain how far you personally want to get involved.

Your story is enough to drive me to despair.

After 35 years of battling to be judged and treated equally — if you go back to the suffragettes — there are still idiots out there who fail to understand that there is neither justice nor a future in maintaining different standards for men and women. Just finally, and partly in his defence, the regression to attitudes and assumptions that last blossomed without censure in the s is increasingly being linked to the proliferation of pornography.

Many people your age glean their sex education from porn films, easily available online, that are positively Jurassic in their outmoded depiction of thrusting men and objectified women. These films rely on narrow definitions of gender identity — that men are all-conquering and women can be divided into the marriageable and the slutty.

Your boyfriend has most likely had his brain polluted by such propaganda and may not have stopped to consider how Neanderthal it makes him sound. If you really like him in other ways, it might be worth attempting to explain why you find his assumptions objectionable and allowing him a right to reply before you move on.

If you have a dilemma, send a brief to mariella. Follow her on Twitter mariellaf1.

Dear Mariella Relationships. My boyfriend called me a slut — now I dread seeing him.

Mariella Frostrup. Sun 2 Sep Topics Relationships Dear Mariella Sex features.

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